forgiveness

I messed up yesterday. The good thing about that is I recognized it. The bad thing about it, I didn't stop when I recognized it.

I have no excuses to give, just that I need to work harder. The kids really pushed me yesterday and I pushed right back. It started with Alanna taking all the cushions off the couch (no big deal) then she started to get really wild and jump all over and lay on the couch arm, and then she flipped over the arm. I told her to sit up because she was going to get hurt if she didn't sit on her butt. She did not listen. I said it 3 more times and told her if she did not listen she was going to stand in the corner. Then she fell head first into the floor and cried. I was so mad that she didn't listen that I yelled at her for getting hurt. What I should have done is comfort her and explain. But I didn't feel like explaining...She did not listen and therefore what I told her was going to happen did, and then I pulled the I told you card....TO MY 4 YEAR OLD. HELLO...Moms hug and kiss the boo boos not pull that stunt. I was ashamed and mad at myself and so I yelled some more.
Then I caught Alanna picking her nose and eating her...dare I say it...boogers. I know disgusting. We have told her and told her to not eat them, but she was not listening again. So I yelled and told her I was not going to give her a kiss goodnight because she had booger breath. She started to cry and I yelled some more.

Over all it was a good day, but a bad evening. I should have stopped what I was doing and thought about what was going on before I yelled so much.

At bedtime, I did kiss Alanna goodnight, but not before a good teeth brushing and a firm lecture about eating germs and dirt. I told her I was sorry I yelled when she hurt her head and that I will work harder today to not yell. She told me she understood that mommy's get in trouble too, just like her and I was forgiven.

I woke up this morning feeling better and continue to work on my temper and the yelling. A firm, yet loving voice is what I need.