1st day of school

In Michigan a few years ago there was a law passed that stated the kids didn't start school until after labor day.  We took it easy over the weekend..Had a BBQ with the family, played outside and cleaned the house. 

This year Alanna starts kindergarten and Hannah goes into the 5th grade.  My heart just skipped a beat typing that, lol.  My baby girls are growing up before my eyes. 

I thought I had a handle on Alanna starting school this year but when she walked up the big bus steps, I got a little choked up.  Seeing her with no hesitation in her step and a smile on her face, brought the tears to my eyes. My day was brightened by my baby boy...After we got home from the bus stop he kept saying, "That was cute, mama, that was cute"  I asked him what was cute and he told me...the bus.  :)

After that I had a little bit more spirit to get me through the day so we cleaned up breakfast, put away some laundry, went to the park, grocery shopping, and ate lunch...all before 11:00 am.  On any typical summer day we aren't even dressed before 11 and grocery shopping with 3 kids could take up to 5 hours on any given day, LOL....But with just 1 in tow the time is much faster, or slower depending on how you look at it.

The house is quiet and I miss my girls...Ben keeps asking if the girls are outside and if he can go too.  I try to tell him they are at school, but he just waits by the door for them to come home :(  He wanted to stare at the bus pictures all morning.  He is now down for a nap and its just me...The kitchen is clean, I vacuumed yesterday and all the laundry is put away....sigh.....

I know in a few weeks I will wish for a day like this...quiet, and nothing to do, but for now on the 1st day of school , I will sit and wait for the time to tick by, until its time to pick up my girls from the bus stop this afternoon...tick..tock..tick...tock. 

Catching up July

The last month or so I have taken a break from blogging.  How does this differ from the last break I took?  Well the last break wasn't on purpose, we were just SO busy I couldn't find time, and this time, it was on purpose.  I wanted to spend as much time as I could with the kids and make this summer one of the best memories they have. 

We were so busy with summer this year.  I talked about the month of July a little bit, but there is still so much to say. 

Ben turned 2!  Where did the last 2 years go? 

As you can see he had a Yo Gabba Gabba birthday.  When he woke up from his nap and the house was decorated he was so excited.  All he could say was Gabba for Ben?  What a sweet heart.  We had lots of friends and family over to celebrate the big T.W.O.  Ben got LOTS of fun things and surprisingly he is still playing with all of it, LOL.

Next up, Alanna had a little party for TBall.  Even though she didn't do tball very well, she had fun at the party and made some friends. 

Because I miss you still

The kids and I had just left the house.  We were heading to the tire repair shop, because the van had a flat tire.  But don't worry the tires you told me to put on the van had a 5 yr warranty, so everything was covered.  As I was saying, the kids and I just left the house.  Alanna had her stuffed iguana in her arms and asked where she got it.  I looked at her through the rear view mirror.  She was smiling with those crazy bangs hanging in her eyes.  I realized I hadn't answered her yet, because I heard her ask again..Mom, where i get this from?  My heart skipped a beat as I said your name.  I haven't said your name out loud in over a month.  It hurts so bad to say it, to even think it.  Tears welled up in my eyes instantly.  Ben tells me that grandma is in the trees, Alanna tells him that you aren't.  They go back and forth yes..no..yes..no.  I interrupt them, I tell Alanna that its ok for Ben to think grandma is in the trees.  I tell her that she can think of you where ever she would like too. 

I think about this conversation all.day.long, today.

There is so much I wish I could tell you, there is so much I wish I could show you.  I miss you so much it hurts everyday.  When I make a dinner I know you would love, or I try a new recipe, I wish you were there to say how much you love it, or how we could make it better the next time.  When I make a meal, that I know you like, I want to call you up and invite you over.  I went through your recipes the other day.  I found your stuff pepper recipe.  You always made me think I was the best cook, but you never told me you had the same recipe...

Some days I try to pretend that its just been a few days since I have talked to you, but then Ben or one of the girls will say or do something cute or funny that I know you would love to hear about, and it hurts so much that I can't call you and hear your voice just one more time.  I miss our talks and how you would make fun of Chris when he was crabby. 

You would be so happy for Hannah.  I tool her to her first concert a few weeks ago.  Justin Bieber.  She is so into him right now, you would have hugged her and asked her if she had fun, I can picture you putting your hands in the air above your head and trying to sing, it would have embarrassed her, but it would have made her giggle.

Alanna starts kindergarten Tuesday.  I know you would be so proud of her.  She had come along way this summer and has matured so much!  She met her teacher this week and got to ride on the big bus.  She is so excited that she gets to go Hannah's school now.  I can hear you encouraging her conversation with you and you would be smiling and hugging her so tight. 

And then there is Ben...oh sweet Ben.  You two had such a special relationship, sometimes it kills me inside to see him without you.  He is in a toddler bed now...I can hear you telling him what a big boy he is now.  You would be so surprised at how much he talks now.  We can actually have a conversation together.  You would get a kick out of it.  He misses you so much.  When we drive by your apartment building he screams for you and cries when I don't stop.  It hurts my heart so much that he doesn't understand why you aren't here anymore.  He loved you SO much.  You two had that "thing"  it was special. 

I realize now that I took you for granted while you were here.  I thought that you would always be here.  I figured if you beat it once then you would beat it again.  I guess you did beat it, in your own way, but that doesn't take my pain away...I miss you so much. 

There is this new show on Showtime, its called The Big C.  Its about a women who has stage 4 melanoma cancer.  She has a husband and a son and can't seem to fine the right time to tell them she is dying.  Its a comedy, but its sad too.  I think that you would have really liked this show.  I watch it for you, thats how much I think you would have liked it.  I get so angry at the lady though.  I just want her to tell her family so they can make the best of the time she has left, but she hasn't yet and its already episode 4.  I don't know if she ever will...

Hannah told me a few weeks ago that she has been dreaming of you.  You keep telling her to find the light.  While I think its great that she sees you, could you please stop scaring her...She crawls in my bed when it wakes her up :)

God, I miss you so much.  I feel so empty and alone sometimes.  We would talk 3 or 4 times a week and I would get to share everything thats been going on, and now I feel like I have no one to talk to.  When my phone rings I look at the number expecting it to be you and when its not, I feel dissapointed.  I know thats silly, but I would give anything to see your name on my phone 1 more time. 

You would have loved to hear my stories of our summer.  You would have loved to hear how we went to the beach to many times to count.  You would have loved to see the pictures of North Carolina and you would have told Hannah she was one lucky girl.  I would have told you about the playdates and the bbqs we went to, we probably would have had a picnic with you once or twice....running outside your apartments up and down the hills.  The kids always loved that. 

Well there really is no right way to end this, so I will tell you I love you over and over again, and how much you meant to me, and how I will never find another person as special as you are to me. 

A few more pics from N.C.

Catching up Part 3, June

After everything started to calm down and life got back to the "normal" I tried to stay busy so I wouldn't think about much.  I started cleaning the house and before I knew it, the whole laundry room was gutted and cleaned along with several corners in the house.  Alanna's tball games began and they were just as much fun as practice. Until it was time to be in the field, then Alanna would end up on her butt in the rocks playing.  Her coach makes her run the bases for playing in the rocks.  But she enjoys the running, so its a lose situation for the coach, hehe. 

A few weekends later Chris had his company picnic.  The Repo Rodeo, they call it.  There was a clown, bounce house, lots of food, games/prizes and much more.  Chris won second place in the rodeo...The drives had to drive the tow truck through a maze of cones, to a parked car and get the VIN #, then they had to go back and tell the person the VIN # and they were timed...

The kids had a great time.  They loved the balloon animals and the fun prizes they got.  YoYo's, plastic snakes and lots of candy.  The bounce house of course was the favorite.


We also tried spending our days outside to keep busy.  Lots of trips to the park and library over the weeks.  Different parks with friends, and picnics outside. 

 Before we knew it, the end of June was here.  With all the cleaning I had done, we had lots of stuff to donate/sell.  We decided to have a garage sale.  The garage sale was at Chris' dad/stepmoms house and it was ok.  We didn't get a whole lot of traffic, but it got most of the stuff out of the house and the rest was donated.  The money from the garage sale will be enough to redo our master bedroom, and bathroom. 

By the end of June we were so used to being busy that it hasn't stopped yet. 
stay tuned for part 4, July.
part 1 here 
part 2 here

catching up, May 23-May31, part 2, I love you

This post is the post I have been struggling with all along.  This week in May is the reason I have been absent for so long.  I struggle with this post, because there are feelings I have that I just can't explain.

As you live, you will have people come into your life that truly touch your heart.

One of these people for me is my mother law, Jan.  She was so accepting of me and Hannah when Chris first brought us to meet her.  From day one, she loved Hannah like she was her own grandchild.  Over the years Jan and I became very close...especially after my mom moved to Florida.

Jan was a private person and didn't like for her business to be aired for the public.  I never wrote about my feelings, during this past Christmas, when the drs. decided to stop the cancer treatment and start treating Jan and having her feel comfortable.  I never wrote anything about her having hospice come visit her each week.  It was a rough time for me...never knowing if the next time I called her if she would answer.

I started making dinner once a week and taking it over to her so that the kids and I could spend time with her, and she didn't have to worry about cooking or cleaning.

 This particular week I decided to make smothered porkchops w/rice, corn bread and bring a cheese cake for dessert...Jan was making some mac and cheese and green beans..Its was going to be YUMMY! 

It May 17, and it was raining.  I got all the kids in the car along with all the hot food.  We drove to her apartment and realized I had forgotten the cheese cake.  We enjoyed the kids running around and the warm food on such a chilly day in May.  I promised Jan I would bring the cheesecake over the next day and we would have cheesecake for breakfast.  That made her smile and said it was a date.

May 18, 2010..(Hannah's birthday) I was up and almost walking out the door with Ben, when Jan called.  She said she felt bad for me coming all the way over just for cheesecake and that it was still raining...I told her it was no big deal and continued over.

Jan, Ben and I sat on the couch eating cheesecake for breakfast!  It was SOOOOO good.  When it was time to leave, I remember hugging her so tight and telling her that I loved her so much.  Ben didn't want to leave his grandma that day and kept running back to her for another hug and kiss.  We walked down the long hallway with Ben yelling "uv you" and blowing kisses until we turned the corner...

I never thought that would be the last time I saw her, but it was

Memorial weekend we were invited out to our friends house.  It was Sunday and we were at the beach.  We got a call from my SIL asking if we had talked to Jan.  Neither of us had so we called Chris' brother to check on her.  I remember thinking to myself, she is probably sleeping and everything will be ok...We had a picnic planned for the coming Tuesday and I would talk to her then.  I kept asking Chris if he had heard from his brother and he kept telling me that if there was a problem they would call him.

We had come back from the beach by now, and the kids were playing in the small swimming pool in the yard.  The adults were talking about getting dinner ready when I heard Chris' phone ring.  I tried to occupy myself with the kids, but I had one ear on my husbands voice.  I knew instantly that something was wrong and when he stood up and faced me, I started to cry.

We packed up the kids and drove the 2 hours home in silence except for our tears. 

The next week was very hard.  Trying to be brave for my husband and children was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  What I really wanted to do was lock myself in my bedroom and cry.

As the days go on, it just feels like I haven't talked to my best friend and I need to put that on my things to do list..It never fails I go through my phone for a number and I land on hers...not ready yo delete it yet I pass on by wishing I could just call and say hi...There is already so much I wish I could tell her.

She would have gotten a kick out of Alanna in Tball, she would have been so proud of Hannah for her good report card, she would be amazed that Bens birthday is so close...and that he is turning 2 already.

This post was much harder to write than I thought it would be.  I have had to stop several times because I could see the screen anymore.  Jan was so much more than just my mother in law, she was one of my best friends.  I would call her for advice, cooking recipes and just to say hello.  I miss her so much, and wish that she was here everyday.

Part 1 here
catching up, part 3..June..coming soon

There is no "I" in TEAM

Today I am feeling a little [bit] better. 

Last night was a rough one.

We talked, or rather emailed since its so much easier to write down all my feelings and get everything out without forgetting or getting interrupted.

I am not fixed, I am just not so hurt inside now.

{WE}decided that maybe working as a team would be a little bit better than the way we have been handling things.  (seems so simple doesn't it?)

Time will tell

~Thanks for being my friends, and letting me get it all out~

Happy Anniversary

Its our anniversary today.  We will be spending today as any other normal day of the week.  I am visiting my MIL this afternoon.  Then off to pick up fundraiser stuff for Alanna's T-Ball, and then Free skate at our local roller rink.  Tonight will be homemade pizza for dinner and later I will probably fall asleep on the couch.

But come Saturday..Saturday the kids are each staying with a family member OVER NIGHT.  Can you tell I am excited for this.  Ben has NEVER stayed the night away from me before and Alanna hasn't since she was a baby.  We have some shopping planned dinner and a movie and then who knows what.

What I do know is that this night is very much needed.  Chris and I focus on the kids so much during our everyday, that we need some ALONE time to focus on each other.

I love my husband more now than the day we married.  I have a new found respect towards him since he lost his job last winter and worked so very hard to find ways to support his family.  We are back on track and still loving every minute of it.  Our life is no where near perfect, but its a good life and we are so blessed.

Happy Anniversary honey, I love you!

in the moment

The courage she has amazes me.  Times when my stomach is full of butterflies, she looks at me and tells me its going to be okay, as she walks ahead.

His curiosity is something I've never seen before.  He explores and roams, and learns.  He teaches me to calm down and enjoy the moment.

The innocence she carries with her leaves her high above the rest of us.  She sees the good in everything and teaches everyone around her to enjoy nature and all that it has to offer.

Where would I be 

without these 3?

I saw your picture today..

All 223 pictures for the month of April are loaded onto Flickr.  Click here to check them out.  If you don't you will be missing out.  Here is what you have to look forward too. 

Our picnic at the park on spring break
Our trip to the zoo on spring break
The bows I made for my first sale (yes something is in the works, but its not ready yet, and I'm not ready to tell, but you can guess?)
Our trip to the Gibralter Trade Center with the family and it was a GREAT day
A really fun review that I told you is coming, and it really is....tomorrow, maybe!

A great day

I don't even know where to begin.

Today was a great day!

The family and I, along with my MIL met up with my SIL and her daughter at a near by Trade Center. I'm not sure if everyone knows about the Trade Center so I will explain.  Its a HUGE warehouse type building that has many vendors that sell STUFF.  Anywhere from tattoos, jewelry, clothes, avon, pictures, and junk.  Its open only on the weekends and you have to pay $2 to park and get in.  There are expos and shows scheduled throughout the year such as gun shoes, mom2mom sales, HUGE indoor garage sales, and knife shows. Its usually the place to go to find closeout deals and sometimes you can try to make a deal with the vendor...

Its a fun place to go.  We went today looking for a looney-toons cane made of wood.  We didn't find that but found lots of other stuff we didn't know we needed.

The girls got to enjoy time in the bounce house (yes they have those too).  They also got strapped to bungee looking harnesses and jumped on inflatable trampolines.  If they jumped really hard they would go really high, they could do flips and have fun...Chris and I tried to get them to climb the rock wall but they were feeling that one, LOL!

We went to lunch at a near by Greek restaurant.  We heard lots of OPA! and had a lot of fun.  I love loud restaurants, because then we don't have to keep telling the kids to be quiet. We ate some fried cheese, greek salads and way to much pita bread.  It was SO YUMMY!  The kids were SO hungry that all 3 of them ate fried cheese, pits bread and their WHOLE meal. Mom and Dad were so proud of them..The kids were so well behaved today...I love days like this. 

It feels like we haven't had a GREAT day like this in....forever.  We needed to get out as a family and just hang out.  Nowhere to be at a certain time and not rushing.  Just walking and looking...

in the moment

Right now there are dishes in the sink, and clothes in the dryer. There are toys on the floor, and the trash needs to be emptied.

I tell these confession, because I'm not sorry. 

I tried to load the dishwasher, and I tried to fold the laundry, and I tried to take the trash out.

Instead I sat around for most of the day.

I sat with a cuddly (not so baby) boy on my lap.

He has been playing so well by himself.  On his belly, running the cars up and down the couch.  Little vroom vrooms coming from his sweet lips.

But for today he just wanted to cuddle.

So I stopped trying to get the daily chores done, and I just sat down and smelled his sweet head, and gave a million and one kisses and enjoyed every minute, every second that he let me.

Summer plans?

This week has been jammed pack with fun.  I hate seeing the kids just sitting around the house, so I wanted to make the best of spring break.

Today we did a play date and then lunch with Chris.  He has such a flexible work schedule, that he was able to come home in time for lunch.  It was a nice surprise for the kids.  Of course we ate at our favorite restaurant Olga's.  (if you don't have an Olgas near you, I am sorry, its sooo good)

I feel out of my element this week.  Ben and I are on a pretty good schedule, and this week has been anything except schedules.  I hate to see this week end though.  Having the girls home all day is such a blessing.  I am still so thrilled to be able to be home with them.  I already have plans swirling around in my head for our summer plans.  We won't be able to do something everyday, but I am going to shoot for at least twice a week. 

If you have any fun things you like to do, please share.  It will be hard to come up with 2 activities a week for 3 months that will be fun with all the kids ages 10, 4 and 2...

Playing catch up

I tried to catch up on all the facebook posts and blog posts from the last 6 days, but its impossible.  The kids and I have been non stop since last Friday with more planned for the remaining of the week.  A quick run down

Friday-dyed eggs with Sarah, left for out of town
Saturday&Sunday-out of town.
Sunday-BBQ at the inlaws
Monday-picnic at the park, clean out the shed, walk with the kids and store to buy lunch food for the zoo
Tuesday-ALLLLLL day at the zoo, store to by Alanna new shoes since hers broke at the zoo
Wednesday-laundry, laundry, laundry, brother, SIL and Kylee over for dinner
Thursday-Lunch Bunch, lunch with MIL
Friday either ice skating or a visit to the local dairy farm (we aren't sure yet what we are doing)
Saturday& Sunday are still open...but we were thinking something along the line of either an indoor water park or out of town to friends house again...But either way it will be LOTS of fun

Im also trying to spend as much time off the computer as possible.  Not worrying whats in my inbox or the latest update on facebook.  It was pretty hard the first day but now I'm just enjoying the time with the kids.

**Lori, I will get your prize out next week.  I'm sorry I am just so busy this week.  I will send you pictures so you can tell me which one you want.**

The one where I talk about how busy I am, but know its all worth it in the end

I know that I am neglecting this blog here.  I have a lot going on at home.  Its big news for you, my readers and many more.  I'm not ready to share the details yet, but feel free to try to guess. 
There could be a prize if you are the lucky one.

Spring break for the girls starts tomorrow.  That may or may not mean more neglect for the blog.  Depends on how tired I am.  We have something planned for everyday of spring break.  This will be the 1st spring break in 2 years we haven't went to Florida.  It makes me sad to have to wait to see my mom, step-dad, sister and my beautiful nephew Brody..But they are coming up here VERY SOON, and so our trip to Florida this year is being pushed to Christmas time!
Here is a run down on our plans for next week.  If you would like to join us, give us a call.  We always love being with our friends!

Friday- Dye Easter eggs with Sarah and do a pizza lunch, then we are heading out to some friends house for the weekend.
Saturday- Have fun playing in the 75 degree weather with lots of land for the kids to run around.
Sunday- Happy Easter (spending it with friends this year, they are just like family to us)
Monday-Picnic lunch at the park
Tuesday-The zoo, with more friends
Wednesday-Grocery shopping-have to squeeze it in there somewhere
Thursday- Lunch Bunch Playdate, and lunch with Grandma
Friday- Ice Skating
Saturday- Maybe going to Splash Universe (indoor waterpark near our home)
Sunday- RELAXING, what a busy spring break we have planned

Random updates with pictures

I forgot about all the pictures I had on my camera.  Today I was going through it and realized I haven;t shared what we have been doing lately.  A couple weeks ago we went to Joes Crab Shack (and yes if you live in FLORIDA{Mom, Tim} some of you may say yuck, but to us who don't live by the ocean it has to do).

Here is the dessert (ice cream sandwich with fudge, sprinkles and mini M&Ms to put on top..so cute!) Alanna got after she stuffed herself with macaroni and cheese, fries, crab stuffed mushrooms and crab from her grandma Jan's plate. The next picture is Chris eating is hot, steam pot bib and all.  Bed is picking at his plate, but loved his fries.
Some may know a little secret about me and that is I have never been a big fan of seafood.  Its not that I don't like it, its that I never grew up around it and just afraid to eat it.  I have been tasting it here and there when I am feeling brave, and this night I promised myself I would get something other than chicken or steak.  So I got the shrimp and steak..baby steps people!  I got the coconut shrimp with the pineapple plum sauce.  IT WAS AMAZING!  I ate all my shrimp before one bite of steak and wanted more shrimp.  I didn't even want my steak after that.  Now all I can think about is coconut shrimp.

Last week I took the kids to get some much needed hair cuts.  I was tired of getting Bens hair trimmed and then a week later he needed it again, so I opted for a big boy hair cut.  He looks so much older.  Its so sad seeing my baby grow up.  But I LOVE running my fingers through his new short hair..and I can spike it and that is adorable!

And then what would St Patty's Day be without some pictures of the kids. wearing green.  Ben is showing so much of his personality in these pictures, it makes my heart sink.  Alanna too, look at those big goofy grins. I am so proud to be mommy to these kids :)