NaBloPoMo: D+

I missed Wednesday. The 1st time in 3 years I missed a day in November. I thought about posting all day, but never sat down to the computer. I just could not think of anything that was post worthy, not that much of my posts lately has been. So I think I might take a 2 or 3 day vacay from posting, and just let something exciting happen..I'm going to relax and not worry about needing something to post. Have a happy holiday weekend.

4months old today: 16 lbs 2 oz.

on time or late?

Have you ever had an appointment and completely forgot about it? I am the type of person who is ALWAYS early. never late and remembers everything.

This morning Chris and I had an important meeting, and I forgot completely about it, until an hour after we were supposed to be there. I called and apologized about a million times, trying to explain I am not that kind of person. I feel horrible. We got to reschedule, but I still feel guilty. An entire hour slot just for us and we missed it. Now for the rest of the day I will have THAT feeling. Just that empty feeling in my stomach...Ugh, I hate being that person. How do you feel about lateness, or being on time?

My review

Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stweart, melt my heart. I thought Twilight was awesome.

Team Edward

Of course with me loving the Twilight series so much, I had to have as many people reading them and liking them as mush as I do. I talked my neighbor into reading the series and she is on book 3 right now. When she finishes the books, she comes over to return the book and then we talk about them, the good and the bad parts and of course our favorites. It was something that I just assumed everyone would do, love Edward, but when she told me she was Team Jacob, I started to doubt our friendship (I'm just kidding of course, or am I?) Today we are going to see Twilight together, this should be fun. I am so Team Edward.

Twilight here I come.

One good thing about your husband working midnights. When you can't sleep at 2 am, you have someone to text.

How do you cope, when you fear the unknown?

This post is really personal to me and I have struggled with myself if I was going to finally write about it or just try to cope with it myself. I decided to see what would happen if I opened up.

I have been having panic attacks or anxiety attacks, not sure the difference, not sure whats actually going on. At night when the kids are sleeping, and Chris is gone to work I lay in bed and think. It used to be thinking about the list of things that had to be done the next day or the list of thing I actually got done that day. Sometimes I would think about the events of the upcoming weekend or something special that was coming.

I don't think that way anymore. Something clicked in my mind and now all I think about is what its gonna be like when I die. When I can't hug the people I love anymore, when I can't think about the list of chores needing to be done the next day. I think about the nothing, the unexpected, the not knowing. I think about it all and I start to shake. I start to hyperventilate, I can't catch my breath, I start to cry and I can't focus. My chest hurts, my body hurts, my heart hurts.

I'm not sure what brought this thinking on. Its just been recently..maybe in the last 3-4 weeks. I never gave dying much thought before. It was something that came, you couldn't fight it, you can't hide from it. But now, when I sit it creeps up on me, and I can't fight the feeling. The scared feelings I get of the unknown. I don't know how to stop feeling this way, there really is no way to face the fear...

I don't really know what to expect from you, or if any of it will help. I'm hoping that maybe getting it out in the open it will help me feel better. Only time will tell.

What a great party Alanna had yesterday. It was filled with friends and family and of course her favorite, a Sponge Bob birthday cake. I think 3 is the best birthday. They understand the concept of please and thank you and have so much fun opening the presents. Christmas will be so much fun this year. Pictures and videos are up on flickr so head over and check them out as well.
On to another subject. Over at Ruby and Rojo they are offering a really awesome blog template giveaway. Its worth $400. You could win a holiday header and an entire year of blog designs. I think this contest it very generous and would love to win something like this. So head over and check out the great work these ladies do.

More tomorrow

Party today, Pictures tomorrow. Have a happy Sunday!

Happy Birthday

Dear Alanna,
Today you are 3. You have brought such delight and love to our family. You are funny, smart, and feisty. You know what you want and when you want it. You have an opinion and never afraid to show it. I am so proud of you everyday.

You are an amazing little sister. When ever Hannah wants to play house or school, you are always down to be the baby or the student. You are an amazing big sister. When ever Ben is crying you are there with a smile, a hug or a pacifier. Even though at times you are a little aggressive and go a little overboard with the kisses Ben always has a smile waiting for you.

You are an amazing daughter. Every morning you have a smile waiting for me and a laugh to follow. You never come up short with hugs and kisses and you are an expert at making me laugh. Everyday you become smarter and funnier if thats possible.

You have a love for animals beyond any child I have ever seen. All animals are equal to you. From anteaters to baby dinosaurs all the way down to zebras. You have a place on your bed for all 50 stuffed animals and if one is missing you know it. Thats one of your favorite excuses to get out of bed. You do an inventory every night before bed and set each animal in their spot.

You also have an amazing memory. You remember things from last year, like the last visit to the zoo or the circus. You talk about family events like they happened yesterday even if they were last Christmas. Like I said before you are an amazing little girl. I am beyond proud of you in your speech. It hasn't even been a year yet and you have improved 100%. You have worked so hard to get words right even if you have to ask for the word 10 times, you are determined to get everything right. Alanna Baylee, I am so happy to be your mommy and could not imagine a better 3 year old little girl in my life. I love you, Happy Birthday!

Love mommy

I give up

Finally some pictures to show. Except they didn't turn out as well as I had hoped. These are light enough to see whats going on. Check out the videos here...They are really cool.

Not the post you expected but....

"Circus fun"

Will have to wait. Pictures are not loading correctly right now...Hopefully tomorrow. But trust me, when I say we had a great time and the girls had a lot of fun. Can't say the same for my poor Ben. We left him with a babysitter and he missed his mommy. Ben cried all night until he fell asleep around 8:45 she said. That is not like Ben at all. 1st he NEVER cries, and second his bedtime is 7:30-8:00. You could set a clock by him as soon as the click hits 8 he is out for the night. My poor baby...It was the 1st time at bedtime I was away from him. He missed me.

And another announcement my new little niece Sophia Brianne (my older brother's little girl) was born last night weighing 6 pounds 14 oz and 21 inches long. Lots of brown hair and is cute as cute can be. Pictures of her will be coming soon too. Stay tuned. Mom, dad and baby are doing great!

Small post*

Circus tonight, pictures tomorrow










*In case I don't get to post later.

support your locals

mymediaoutlet.com


I told my friend Jon that I would help support his ebay store. Check it out, just in time for Christmas.

wrapped up tight

In honor of International Baby wearing week, November 12-18, Steph from Adventures in baby wearing is having a contest. By entering you could win a Pop Nest sling or a Sparrow Hatchling from Nonny & Boo. Check out her site to get the rules and post away.

Here is a picture of me and the kids at the zoo over the summer. The sling came in handy when Ben was tired and wanted to be held, but he is so heavy I couldn't hold him in my arms for a long time, I put him in the sling and he was asleep in no time. Plus my hands were free to help the older girls. I'm new to baby wearing and only have the Mei Tai, but I would love to have a ring sling to try with Ben. Head over to Adventures in baby wearing and see all the other baby wearing mommas out there.

Cake Time

Why do we think torture is so much fun? Happy Birthday sweet girl

leg warmers

Win 20 Pairs of Baby Leg Warmers from babySNAZZ!

Thats right, you heard me. 20 pairs of baby leg warmers from babySnazz. I love the leg warmers. All the kids use them. Hannah likes to use them on her arms with her T shirts, Alanna likes to wear them under her night gowns for bed and I just think they are adorable on Ben. So head over to BabySnazz and check out the contest.

Kylee Joan

This day last year another piece of my heart was broken off and given away. It was given to this beauty right above the minute she made it into this crazy world. Kylee Joan was born November 8, 2007 sometime in the evening. She was 6 lbs 4 oz and pure sunshine to the dark November night. This little girl has been a great addition to our family and I could never imagine life without her. I love you, my sweet KyKy, Happy 1st birthday sweetheart.

1st day of preschool

Alanna had her 1st socialization for preschool today. This is a new program head start is offering. What it is, is a preschool teacher comes to our home once a week for 1 1/2 hours and works with Alanna on different subjects like colors, shapes, and ABCs. Then twice a month all the home base kids get together and meet to play and do classroom activities. They eat lunch and then play in the gym or outside and then come home. Today Alanna and I rode the bus and went to school. She did okay, except Alanna has never been in a classroom or daycare before and was distracted by all the cool toys and had a hard time listening when the teacher said it wasn't play time yet. Clean up time was a bit hard too, but other than that lunch and gym time was great, and so was the bus ride. The teacher kept saying Alanna was doing great so I just have to listen to her and relax a little I guess. Hopefully next time she will be able to listen a little bit better.

no go on the dentist

Today the dentist visit fir Alanna didn't go to well. I wasn't to keen on the idea of her seeing a dentist so young because I knew it would be hard for her..But in order to get Alanna in preschool they wanted a dental check up. We tried to talk her into sitting in the chair but she wasn't really having it. We tried for a little while, but I wasn't into pushing her to do something she was afraid of, so we dropped it. I scheduled another appointment for next week after her big sister Hannah has her teeth cleaned. Maybe then she can see how "fun" the bentist can be.