really quick~

We had a great weekend here. The sun was shining and it was in the high 70's, low 80's everyday. Saturday we went to the park and played our butts off. Sunday we had some friends over and played our butts off. Yup thats about it. Pictures will be up later. I'm to sore to get up and get the camera right now, which leads us to.....

Day 3 of Shred went well. I was able to finish most of it, a few things here and there I let slide because I thought I was gonna pass out. But I feel really good about it all. I am sweaty and stinky and now I need a shower.

Now I really have to go, I just caught Alanna "patting" Ben with the wooden ruler on his back and he does not like it, UGH!

Feel the burn..kick my butt, Day 1

I think I have finally gotten myself back in the mind frame that yes, I need to lose some weight, and start being a healthier version of myself. Its been about a year and a half since I stopped weight watchers and I need to get back in the swing of things. I have started Jillians 30 days of shred. Today kicked my butt. I could barely keep up and slacked for most of it and I still had sweat running every which way on my body (gross I know). I hurt now, and can just imagine what I will feel like tomorrow. But I really want this..again, so I am trying.

The new 2009

I feel like for the past 3 or 4 months I have been in a fog. Just doing my day to day and nothing else. The stresses of taking care of 3 children, a husband, and a house were getting to me. Then I went to a dinner with some friends from high school. There were 5 of us. Sarah, Jennifer, Danielle, Jessica and me. If you seen one you pretty much seen us all. Each year we try to get together and catch up, and this year was a little different. Usually we would meet at a restaurant and eat dinner.

This year because of my circumstances we all met at Jennifer's house and she had food for us. It was so nice to get out and have friends and talk to girls that knew me inside and out and wouldn't judge. I came home that night feeling like a new person. I realized I was letting myself slip into the role of being only a mom and not a person too. The kids won't care if I don't out on makeup today, or the kids won't mind if I don't blow dry my hair today...But I realized, my husband might. Now hear me out here...I am not the type of person who tries to please other people and I need their approval, but I am all for keeping my marriage alive and not letting us slip into that day to day with my husband.

I now want to get the most out of my life. This realization also comes from this post. Yes, I still think about it everyday, but I try not to let my mind wonder to much. I want my children to have the best mommy possible growing up, so when they look back on their childhood, they know that there was no way it could have been better. So I guess this is part of my new years resolution...If thats what you want to call it. Usually the resolutions end up being forgotten by the end of January. This is my commitment to my kids, my husband and most importantly to myself.
I want to be a better person: mother, wife, sister, friend and self. Thats my vow for 2009. Whats yours? It can be anything. Leave a comment or write a post and come back to share the link.

what type of person are you?

We went to a birthday party yesterday for one of our nieces. Sounds like another post about how great the party was and how much fun we had but its not going in that direction.
The party was at 1:00 and anyone with kids probably knows that between the hours of 1-3 is a no no for kids who still need that extra sleep thing called a nap.
Alanna is in the category of still needing a nap. Some days she can go without, sacrificing herself for the dreaded errands we have to get done, other days, don't even think about it. Well yesterday she fell in the don't even think about it side. It was a bowling party, loud and crazy. At first she was all game for bowling, but then slowly realized she could not have every ones turn and had to wait for her own...She decided that wasn't a good idea and took off down the lanes in front of the other bowlers. She ended up on the other side of the bowling alley. Next she threw a fit when she realized all the pretty packages were NIT for her. This resulted with a on the floor screaming fit.
We thought we could hold out for cake and ice cream but when that resulted in a scream at the top of your lungs fit because it wasn't the right kind of ice cream, we decided to make a trip HOME. Chris was very upset with Alanna..Hes the type who worries what everyone is saying about his parenting skills. I on the other hand already went through the embarrassment with Hannah and Alanna's fits don;t bother me as much. Chris was upset for most of the day. So I have to ask. Those with kids how do you feel? and those without, do you know its the child's nap time so you sympathize or do you criticize? Please be honest.

A day to remember

Today I am filled with many mixed emotions. I am filled mostly with the sense of family. You know that feeling you tend to get around the winter holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Thats how I am feeling today. Knowing that tomorrow I will be welcoming our newest addition to the family.

Chris and I went to dinner (by OURSELVES) last night for my birthday and we had a great time. We went to our favorite little Mexican restaurant and had what we always get and it was delicious. We talked alot about our fears with this new baby and the excitement we can hardly hold inside. We discussed a lot of issues that have been on my mind lately such as the upcoming arrival of a boy with 2 girls at home. Reconnecting with my husband always feels so good. We get so lost in our day to day with the house, kids and work that we sometimes forget to talk to one another, I mean seriously talk and the other person listens. Last night I went to sleep loving my husband more than the day we married. Its a feeling that I can't get enough of.

I find myself tearing up a lot this morning with the girls. The smallest things they do today will send a tingle to my heart and I cannot thank God enough for our happy, healthy little family.

Alanna was playing with her fisher price little people set...She was singing out loud quietly. She wasn't saying any words just a melody and it was so sweet. She caught me watching her and she smiled and blew me a kiss. Right there in that moment I started to cry and could not wait to get my arms around her small little body and hug her and never let go. Hannah even with her attitude lately has been super sweet. Besides laughing her butt off at me when I tried to get up from the couch this morning and could not, she has been by my side worrying that that any minute now I could go into labor. Hannah has went to every dr appt with me, because Chris is either working or sleeping, and Hannah wanted to make sure I was okay. Last week she stayed the night at a friends house and she called me like 8 times in 3 hours to see if I was okay. One time I even went outside without my phone and I had 7 missed calls from Hannah and 5 frantic messages wondering if I and her little brother were okay. She was on the verge of coming home to check on me. (sweet girl)
I cannot even begin to think that after Hannah was born I was done having kids...To honor my 2 girls with a little brother is the best gift I can give them growing up. Knowing that one day I will not be here and my kids will have each other will allow me to leave the earth and my family a happy mother.

I go into the hospital at 6Am tomorrow morning..I'm not sure if I will have time to blog in the morning or not. I asked a great friend to update my blog for me so hopefully she will be able to get the news to you in a good amount of time..If not go and yell at her and make her update, LOL.

27 years

Today is my birthday. I really enjoy my birthdays because it is my day to feel special about me. This year I am 27. Some may say that is still young, others may say old, but to me its an odd age. Its odd in the sense that in 3 short years I will be 30, and that sort of scares me..Its odd because when I was younger (16) I remember thinking 27 was so old and mature. But I don't feel old and mature. I know thats funny to say since I am about to have my 3rd child this Friday, but sometimes I still feel so young and that I have nothing to offer the adult world or even my children. Sometimes I feel people look at me like I am still a child and I have so much to prove to them.

Then I wisen up and realize I have nothing to prove. I am a college graduate, I have 2 (soon to be 3) children who are bright, amazing and well behaved (most of the time) in public. I have an amazing husband and a beautiful home. I have a great job and my family needs for nothing. I am proud of who I am and who I have become. I can only think more positive things are to come in my future as I grow as a person a mother and as a woman...Maybe looking forward to 30 isn't so bad.

What ever age you may be, we should never take it for granted because its the 1st and last time we will see this age in ourselves and we should embrace it. Heres to making year 27 the best year it can be...Filled with an awesome family and great friends.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO....ME!

A day in the life of...a mom confession

I know I said I would do the 7 month post today, but I'm going to delay it another day. Today I want to try something new. I want to get personal.

I want to talk about how Hannah will be 8 on Sunday and she acts like she is 16 and queen of the house. I want everyone to know that I love my daughter unconditionally, but I don't always like her. I want to tell everyone that on days like we had today I want to crawl in a hole and cry. I don't know if I'm being over sensitive because I am pregnant, or tired, or just having a bad day, but today I need to some help.
She may be a typical 8 year old, or she may be the problem child 10 times worse than I was, that my mother wished upon me that one frightful night when I was 16 and we were fighting. What ever it may be, I'm in trouble. Hannah has your typical sassy mouth, that has a mind of its own and mumbles ever so softly about me, when she is mad at me. Her mouth just keeps talking even though she has been told to stop 5 minutes ago. She thinks because we ask her for help sometimes, she is able to scold her little sister and input her opinions on matters regarding not Hannah herself, but others in the house. Another amazing thing with Hannah is that her arms will somehow detach themselves from her body and slam doors, that Hannah swears she had nothing to do with. Astonishing, if you ask me.
Some days I think to myself how proud I am of her. She has the child innocence that adults lose as we grow older. She has the power to speak her mind and has the beginning signs of an independent woman. She is brave in new situations, where I am not and sometimes put my fear into her more than she needs, other days I wish I could call it quits on the whole mom business and not think about the task at hand.
Here comes the confession: This morning I slapped Hannah. That sentence took a lot. I'm afraid of what others might say or think. However this morning I had lost it. Hannah usually gets warnings, timeouts, sitting in her room, grounding, or things being taken away. She very rarely will get a spanking. (Yes we spank our children, for punishment not out of anger) This morning I was having none of that and I slapped her mouth. She was sassy and rude, and mean and cruel. She didn't care who she was hurting or what she was doing, she wanted me to know she was mad at me. And boy did she ever. Until I could take no more and I just....whacked. She sat there stunned for a minute. It actually felt like 10, but it was probably 5 seconds before she started crying. The tears built up in her eyes and once she released them I felt horrible. I wanted to grab her and hug her and tell her I was sorry. I was. But I didn't. I wanted to take the slap back, and I wanted her to stop crying, the guilt was building up and it was tearing me apart. But I wanted, and needed her to understand what she was doing was wrong. Do I think that hitting is the solution? No, but do I think she understood that it had to be done? Yes.
We talked afterwards, about her actions and mine. I did say I was sorry for hurting her, and not using another method of punishment, but I did say that I would not take it back. I explained how I felt and then she explained how she felt. I don't feel this solved the problems of our typical 8 year old behavior, but I do think we came to an understanding. I think she understands what she was doing was wrong..Will she act up again? Absolutely! I don't expect my children to be perfect, I am not.
Before I left for work, we hugged and kissed and I told her I loved her. That doesn't and will never change. She told me it was okay and she loved me too.

*I don't expect you all to agree with me, but I do expect you to respect me. No nasty comments or praise. I just needed to talk about what happened. It doesn't make it go away, and it doesn't make it right or wrong. Your opinion is YOUR opinion and nobody else's. This is my blog and I needed to say what I had to say. Thank you.

No English teachers allowed.

Okay I need to just get this out here!
My mother, who reads my blog, but never comments, has made it apparent that she does not think my writing reflects how educated I am. This is not an English class assignment, nor am I writing an English book. I am merely documenting my life, thoughts and pictures of my family. I blog for fun, not a grade, and I earn no money what so ever for my writings. I do not normally re-read my posts, and very rarely can I get spell check to work. Also spell checker only checks the spelling and not all grammar mistakes. Please know that I do have a college education, NOT in English or spelling, but in Science. I am not a redneck, and apologize to all that are, but these were the words of my dear, lovely mother said to me this past Sunday. Also I believe rednecks are beautiful and love they way you talk, most of the time.
I am not mad at my mom for pointing my flaws to me, I am merely letting everyone know that just because I have a spelling error here or a grammar mistake there, I am a smart and intelligent woman. My mom seems to feel because I make these errors, it makes me look bad and people may not respect what I am writing. Please forgive me if I make an error and still remember that I am me, and not perfect, nor do I ever want to try to be...that's way to much work for me. I am however lazy, and will not re-read a post just to check for mistakes, I only re-read to make sure I am not repeating myself a million and one times. Whew, that feels better.

Nothing a little disclaimer that can clean up your blog...Love ya MOM!

Spreading the l~o~v~e

One of my best blogging buddies Lindsay gave me an award today. She is the most talented mommas I know. I owe my good looks (on the blog of course) to her, hehe.

Sharing and spreading the love especially on the internet is very important, I think. Too many times people will hide behind anonymous comments and really hurt people that they dont even know just because they may have wrote something they disagree with. Sharing this award is something very special. I want to share it with some people, that I feel have spread their love my way..

Aimee at A Day in the Life of (catchy title, dothca think?)

Noe at Noe's Blog ( I think she could really use this right about now!)

and last but certainly not least

Michelle at Fluttering Butterflies, she is awesome.

This is really long, don't say you weren't warned.

I know I have been totally MIA for a couple of days, maybe even a week. With the flu, Christmas, trying to make up Christmas with family, working, being pregnant and then New Years I have been extremely tired and overwhelmed. Last week I had a mini breakdown. I was so over being sick from the flu and being pregnant and tired that I broke down crying. I left work and came home and slept for hours. When I woke up I called the doctor and they told me to take some vitamin B6 to help with the tiredness and nausea. Well you know what, it worked. Not that I doubted the doctor, but I did wonder how one little vitamin would help me feel better and it did. I have been able to get back to semi normalness lately and its been really nice.

The couple of days after Christmas I worked and cleaned..thats about it. Over the weekend we had to make up Christmas with family we cancelled on. It was nice. We had my brother, his girlfriend, Kylee, my 2 step sisters, my uncle and my little cousin over for some Christmas pizza. It was so nice seeing everyone. One of my sisters is away at college 4 hours away, so we don't see each other often. That night we left the guys with the kids and us sisters went to the movies. We seen National Treasure 2. It wasn't as good as the 1st, but I really enjoyed it. The next couple of days we just hung out, and rested. New Years eve, I babysat and Kylee stayed the night. I figured since I can't even make it past 10 pm om a normal night, what fun would I be going out trying to ring in the new year. Chris, I and all 3 girls had a nice quiet night at home. Our friends Jon and Lane came over and Lanes son who is around Alanna's age, and we basically were couch potatoes and watched movies all night. It was FUN!

I have to go back to work tomorrow and hopefully get things back to normal. Being off is so nice, but a nice routine is always good too.

Normally on New Years I do not do a resolution, because by the 5th, I have usually forgotten it or broken it and it never really pans out for me. I seen this on another site and even though this post is pretty long, thought I would share anyways.

Happy 2008:
1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
Get married

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't normally like making resolutions, like I said, but being a more patient mother would be nice.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, my handsome nephew Matthew and my gorgeous niece Kylee, both were born this year

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, not this year


5. What countries did you visit?
None...I don't get out much anymore


6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A little more peace with myself, and not to jump to conclusions so fast.


7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 28

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Actually planning a wedding and pulling it off


9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being as patient as I know I can be

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
We all got the flu TWICE in 2007


11. What was the best thing you bought?
I can't really think of anything right now.


12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Alanna's, so far 2 isn't that bad, and I know I will regret that statement later, LOL

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Well not appalled, but I wish Hannah would listen better and not talk back as much


14. Where did most of your money go?
The wedding


15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The wedding

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
You Save Me by Kenny Chesney


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? 
b) thinner or fatter? 
c) richer or poorer?
Happier, skinnier, but not for long, poorer, but I wouldn't change anything.


18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Family activities, we do alot with the girls, but I always want more.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
bitching


20. How did you be spend Christmas?
In bed

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I fell more in love with my family.


22. How many one-night stands?
Kinda a funny question, since most of my answers have been about my wedding in one way or another, so NONE!

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Jon and Kate plus 8, LOVE IT. She inspires me!


24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No

25. What was the best book you read?
All 7 of the Harry Potter series

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Ella, Ella, Ella, Umbrella, LOL!

27. What did you want and get?
A happy family

28. What did you want and not get?
More money than I can count, but maybe next year.


29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I did nothing for my BDAY this year, I was 26. We had just had the wedding, so we were pretty broke and partied out, LOL.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having someone else pay for the wedding.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Comfy

33. What kept you sane?
The thought of one day at a time and tomorrow will be better, oh and theres only 24 hours in a day.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Brittany Spears was pretty fun to watch this year, but I don't think I fancied her, more like worried for the babies.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The presidential candidates, I'm not confident in any of them yet.

36. Who did you miss?
My mom

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Lindsey

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Don't take anyone for granted

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Just another day in paradise

Day 12, nosey rosey

Last Friday was parent-teacher conference at Hannahs school. For the most part Hannah is doing great. The teacher would like her maybe 1 point higher in her reading level and her organization skills need a little improvment, which is really crazy, because I am a very organized person, or I would like to think I am, and for Hannah to lack these skills is heartbreaking. Hannah is very good at keepimng her room clean, so her messy desk is something that she needs to work on. Like I said over all Hannah is doing great. One thing that she does need to work on is her skills of worring about herself and not others. The teacher said Hannah would be in all the plus ranges of where she should be if she would only worry about her work more than the others around her. Hannah has always had this problem, I used to tell her she would be the only 7 year old with an ulcer if she didn't stop it. Anyone have any advice on how to keep Hannahs nose in her business and not on others? I really need some help in this area.

Nice matter

One of my BEST blogging buddies gave me this special award. I feel so honored that she would have such nice things to say about me. Some people say that the blogging world is just like high school and full of clicks, but I have never come across a person like that. Everyone that I have met, has made a special place in my heart. In return I would like to present this award to LindSEY, LindSAY, Lori, Noe, Drea, Jennefer and Melissa.





*If I missed anyone, I am sorry. I am at work posting and have a very short time to do so. So if I did in fact miss you, consider yourself an awardee of this Nice Matter's Award too.

I finally got the pictures from graduation.

super trooper

Do you ever have one of those moments you want to cry? I'm having one. I got my first speeding ticket today and the cop was really rude about it. I have never had a ticket before and I'm having a hard time dealing with it...I know its not THAT big a deal..But its my first. I just want to hide under the covers in bed and cry.....

Another thing I'm mad about is I have to pay. As if I am not putting enough money out for the wedding, now I have to pay for the ticket too. So if you want to donate to the speeding ticket for dummies fund..let me know and we can work something out. Thanks :)



On a brighter note, the sink is fixed. Chris's plumber friend came over and unclogged the sink. Come to find out it was not frozen, just clogged with a big clog of clog sorts. It was gross, no pictures available...you can thank me later for what I saw and you didn't.

Therapy

*This is a long one be prepared*

This is a really hard thing to write because its really personal. But getting it out will help me a lot. Last night I learned that I was a selfish person. Heres the story:

My mom brought over her old kitchen table for me because I have always hated the one that we have now. I told her I would need help putting the old one in the shed because Chris was sleeping and I couldn't do it by myself. She said deal. When her and my step dad came over I was right in the middle of feeding Alanna. They were also bringing over a computer desk for us. They brought in the desk and then the table. When I asked for help taking the table out the shed was frozen. She left it at that and said to deal with 2 tables. I got upset and told her this was typical fashion of her and that she was being rude. I went out to the shed and opened it in one light push. I pulled the kitchen table out ALL BY MYSELF. No help. It was heavy and awkward and it would have been nice if I had some help. While I was outside my phone rang. I did not run to get it because I had a table to take care of. After I struggled to get the table in myself I listen to the voice mail that was left. It was my mom. She said that I pissed my step dad off one to many times and he was done with me. No more seeing the girls, no more watching them if I need a sitter, no more help. That also means he was not helping me to print the wedding invites because they have a great printer, and he also wasn't going to be my videographer. You see my step dad is a whiz at editing and movie creating....He also got several videos for "how to make a wedding video" to help him learn more about it. Did I mention he has a REALLY expensive camera too. Like over a couple of thousand dollars...Its like a real "make a movie" camera. (my step dad is in college for all that production/animation stuff, so he needs it). Anyways after I heard the message I was so upset and hurt, but I didn't call my mom back because with me and her we would have fought and made the situation even worse. I let it go....Then later in the night when Chris woke up for work, I told him what happened. He said I deserved it and that I was selfish. That hurt even more....My mom was mad at me, my step dad was mad at me, and now Chris was agreeing with them. Of course that sprouted a loud debate and words were exchanged and I ended up crying...hard. It was midnight and I had no one to talk to because everyone would have been sleeping. I sat in my car and cried. Chris finally came out to talk. He made me realize that I was out of line talking to my mom and that I need to sometimes throw away my pride and admit that I was in the wrong. if you know me at all this is not a thing that I like to do, and I am NEVER wrong...if you get what I am saying....I finally calmed down and came back in the house. This morning I called my mom to apologize. It may have been a little to soon to call because when I did I got nothing but a lecture and more yelling. I tried to stay calm and not say anything that I would regret. I am famous for that. When I am in an argument and losing, I tend to say really mean things to hurt the other person as much as I am hurting...its a bad thing and I am working HARD on fixing that...anyways she told me basically that she was not going to accept my apology at the moment and that I should think about what I did. I didn't get to the story of Chris and I the night before because I figured what was the point...I was crushed and even more hurt. Now just a few minutes ago my mom called me, as I was writing this. She said to give it a few days for my step dad to calm down and she would talk to him. She didn't say it, but I think me calling her to apologize meant a lot..I don't do it with her very often. We have actually went months without talking because neither of us would cave in...my mom and I have a relationship like love/hate. We are so alike we fight and say mean things and then make up. One minute I love her the next she hates me. Sorry back to the story. She didn't say he would cave in, but she did say to let it calm down and she would talk to him. I told her I was fine if he didn't want to help me with the girls if I was in a bind for a sitter or help around the house....but what really hurt is that he could take away things that involved the most special day of my life. The wedding. Thats something that I could never get back. She understood and then asked my to see things through his eyes...I tried and I think maybe just a little, I do understand and now I feel even worse.

So that is my story..I hope if you don't know me, this story will not make you stop coming here, or talking to me. I have a really good side that I need to work on coming out more than my bad side.